My net is still down :(.

I had a good weekend roleplaying. We all geeked out, but Anxiety and I were having problems not chatting it up and concentrating on the game. It was nice to see Geoffery and them. The house was full and fun was had.

The snow is still here. Every time Barry and I step outside we get into mini snow fights. I can't help it. Barry starts his new job on Monday and today we started the proccess of getting stuff transfered up to Portland so we can move in a few months (crosses fingers).

Anyways my net is still down. They say the overhaul on the system is happening the 1rst. We will have to see.

My partners came down last night for some movies and pizza. We spent alot of time on the couch snuggling and talking. Got a few gliches worked out and a few more brought into the open. Some days I just can't believe how well we all communicate. My wonderful boyfriend and I had some great conversation. Although it's not always the conversation part I am looking for *wink*. I feel a little in strage spot right now. Living a little too far away and barely being able to schedule time for a day a week with them. The balancing act is getting interesting at this point. Barry should start his new job soon and depending on his shcedule it is going to jumble it up even more.

Not enough time it seemed last night. Maybe this next weekend we will have a little more.

Sitting at my friends' house. My net is down (again). Suck.

Getting ready for a busy weekend and week ahead of me. I am hoping things keep going well. We are having quite a few people over for thanksgiving. Hwo does this native american do the holiday? Well we eat food watch movies and bitch about the Europeans comming here in the first place...lol

Happiness

You know, there's something about having three wonderful people on your life that you can just get lost in their eyes with feelings of adoration.

I am one lucky bitch.

A post I stole from Veronica

Cause it's that damn cheesy, and I like it...


There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at
The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at
8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a
knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door
and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is
incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire
production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena
surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red
fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as
she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins
to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel
Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls
himself together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I
think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...Your job is
to give Elmo two test tickles."

Just got home not too long ago. Had a wonderful relaxing night with my partners. Arlo and I made dinner (which was perfect). Then afterward we all snuggled and talked on the couch. It was just what I needed. I have had a rough week with no lightening up in the foreseeable future. Being surrounded with snuggly love and laughter. That and we Managed to keep Barry and Cat from trying to cook..lol.

I sat at her side most of the day well into the night. She is in pain. She can barely breath, think or talk. most of the time she is in a state of unconsciousness. I run my fingers through her hair. Give her kisses on her cheek and forehead. Cool wet rags to wipe the sweat away. I whisper I love you's in her ear. Sing her the songs she loved to sing me as a child. Hold her hand. Put chap stick on her cracked lips. Feed her one ice cube at a time. I will show her I am strong. She expects it of me. I am her rod, her tree. I will will let her hold to me till the last excruciating breath. As I sing her breathing calms down, her pain less apparent. She tells me to make sure we are good children. She wants us to be the best, to behave. Tells me I am her best Friend in the world. She falls asleep again. Struggling to hold on. I tell her she can go. We are okay, I will make sure of it. I will keep my promise, I will take care of them all. Now she sleeps. My father lovingly by her side. Waiting once again for a chance to talk to her. To let her know he is still there. His voice singing "Why do birds suddenly apear, everytime you are near? They're just like me they long to be, close to you". Just as he has sung to her every night for the last few years till she sleeps well and his voice has gone dry. I walk out for a few minutes. Sit in the car. Lay my head on my love's lap and weep. I weep hard and long, but not long enough to be gone more than 20 minutes. Sobs escape me. A sound only my parents have heard from me. He holds me and weeps with me. I wipe my eyes. get out of the car. It's too much. My stomach empties. I pull it all together. I have gotten it out for the time being. I go back and comfort and sit. This isn't the way it's suppose to be. She was to be in her bed. In less pain. Quite and loved. Snuggled and caressed by the love of her life. Then sleep and gently slip away. No hospital, no IV's. Yet she still fights. It's up to her now. She can go when she wants to. She said maybe Friday. She will see. Keep my promise. Take care of them. Make sure they stay well. I will go back to her side. Comfort her. I don't want her to be without me as she goes to the next existence. I would walk her there if I could.

Immersed in Compersion

First off for those who have no idea what I am talking about here is the Wiki explanation on compersion.

So Arlo and Kat keep talking about a Sabrina. So I got into a conversation about her today with Kat. After explaining the origin of the friendship between Sabrina and Arlo, Kat was expressing how happy she would be if they did become a couple. So we giggled over the details. Both of us thrilled that he has someone so extremely close to him. Hoping for the best outcome. Kat also really wants Barry and I to meet her. Compersion is flying all over right at the moment. Now is the time I really need some of that happiness. This reminds me why I am the way I am to begin with.

The infinate sadness of my heart - the seeping wound about to burst

Tonight I may lose
my best freind
The person responsible
of bringing me into this world
The cracks in my heart are falling to pieces
melancholy clouds come in
Tears seem so premature yet still are there
All night in the waiting room just to hear
nothing
Now I wait
maybe an hour
maybe three
not a lifetime anymore
soon I will know
If I will loose her
my heart
my glue
my creator
and nurturer
A china doll teetering on the ledge
Strength is harder to find now
I have it somewhere

A little about it..

Well I haven't posted about my appointment yet due to the fect I am still a little shocked and really haven't thought much about it. In a way I am trying not to make it a big deal and just go on.

I have lost what was left of my hearing in my right ear. I am very slowly (at this point) starting to loose it in my left as well. They are looking for some surigical and one non-surgical solutions on my right ear at this time to help my balance out a little bit. All of them involve destroying or removing the inner ear and the vesto-cochear nerve in the brain. Due to the large amount of hearing loss in my right ear they couldn't really get any results from the testing to comfirm what was going on. Although the left ear did test possitive for Meniere's disease. Also I have an occular disorder in which my eyes do not move in sync with each other.

What does all of this mean?

Well I have become pretty hard of hearing. Which many of you already know. I throughout time will probably become deaf. We have no idea how long it will take. Even after the sgurgeries and treatments on my right ear I may still have dizziness and vertigo spells along with my constant imbalance.

On the bright side..

When I do go deaf I may be a canidate to have a cochlear implant on my left side. It's not fatal, just a pain in the ass.

Hmmm

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Here we go..

SO I am packing up. Getting ready to go to Portland. I check into the hospital at 7am. I have been off all my medications for 3 days now and the world is moving freely in my sight. The ground looks like ocean waves. Well that's when it's not rapidly spinning with the walls and other various objects. Spinning up down side to side. I am quite tired due to my brain miss firing. Tomorrow I get a battery of tests, including electrodes all over my head and in my ears conducting impulses, add to that water At various temperatures flushed at high rates into my ear canals, and a few different rotating platforms and chairs. Oh yeah, welcome puke-fest 2006. Luckily it's only for 10 FUCKING HOURS!

Yeah, sigh. Better to get it over with all at once than to do it in sessions I guess. Especially when I can't take my meds for three days first.

The Party..

A few pics of our pumpkin carving mayhem...

Amusements at the grocer..

No matter what you are buying at the supermarket, it seems if you buy condoms or douche at the same time, they will always think the wrong thing. Like say you need duct tape for a project and some rope for camping, then you pick up a few beers and some condoms. Or better yet just some pizza and knitting supplies, or batteries for your childs favorite toy and some feminine hygene products.

I find this quite amusing.

There is a strange bright orb in the sky. My son and I are much confused by this. The sky seems to have taken on a blue color and is no longer it's intended grey that drizzles life giving moisture. It is hard to keep our eyes open outside this day. This strange anomaly is blinding the beauty of the rain forest and it's surroundings. Hopefully it will disappear in the next day or two and life will go on as usual.



* Life is inevitable; Pretty soon all your favorite books will become movies. The creative outlet of paper and pen becomes lost. Your preferred quotes will be overused by people that don't appreciate it's original outlet and author. Eventually you will feel old and boring and exemplify that fact that our culture is losing it's fight to create original cinema and great works of fiction.

laziness and distraction

I actually did not get my ass to the gym. There were many good excuses for it today though. So tomorrow I get to work out an extra 1/3 of the time to make up for the loss.

I don't know if it's the change of weather or what? Today my joints have been exeptionally painful increasing as time goes by. Then I had a drop seizure and was spending the evening after dinner hours drugged up on Ativan and Valium to stop my head from spinning. Although to join me in my misery, Barry fell at work today dislocating his knee. So we sat in pain together and watch some very interesting news broadcasts tonight. But I will not go off about that at this time. There are lots of other things I would love to blog about at the moment.

I am reading a rather interesting paper done by a psychiatrist about therapy with bisexual polyamorous people and the approaches thereof. So far as much of it that I have read I am very impressed. I am also looking at some of the source material she sites as well. So it is taking me a while to finish it. I think that this just might be a good reference paper for school and later on when I have my own clients. I will re-touch on this subject a little more when I am done. As far as the article/paper Therapy with Clients Who Are Bisexual and Polyamorous By Geri Weitzman, PhD. Check it out for yourself (if that type of thing interests you. I would love to hear some feedback from other people and what they think of it. And if you think she missed any points, or feel there were any discrepancies.

Kitty Costume?

Today I was trying to explain to my ten year old in all of her holiday excitement that Easter (the cat) would not appreciate being dressed up in gothic fairy wings. No matter what kind of silly tricks humans can pull on dogs , that cats are just way too dignified and intelligent that to tolerate their humans dressing them up and then having to wander around in silly outfits in front of their peers.

Even going as far as explaining (imagine if you will) how it would feel to be the wisest cat on the block prancing around in fairy wings on the night the those pesky pets we call humans run around knocking door to door trying to get food by the entertainment they supply others with their silliness. When we all know humans have limitless amounts of their own food in the places with the cold hard floors in our homes. Why would a great knowledgeable feline succumb to that?

That was about the time my daughter walked away giggling and telling me I am the weirdest mom on the planet. I told her the spaceship didn't want us back and they abandoned us here. Those Bastards.

A little decoration, alot more fun....

Today we spent decorating the house for Samhain. The front of our house is covered with dark purple lights, cobwebs, creepy floating cheesecloth, etc. The kids were very happy to help and had a great time.

It seems more like an old abandoned pirate ship than a house now. Which is pretty cool. Of course with all the decorations about we had to play dress up as well. Soon enough we had a ninja, king, 2 knights, and a rather beautiful witch running about the front yard.

Tomorrow we are going to talk about the importance of Samhian to the children and why it is every year that mom has an alter scattered with pictures and such of dead people. Also telling Kiera that no she probably shouldn't read tarot for her friends on the front porch that night. I don't think the people in our neighborhood we like that very much.

The air is crisp and fall-like. Tomorrow the rains are to return for the year. Everything is just in place for the season. The house is clean and wonderfull, the kids happy and exited for the things to come. I feel a little warm inside right now.

Super mom?

*cross posted from my lj*

So I am sitting in the kitchen today after the kids got home from school, making homemade popcorn while mixing together brownies and preparing dinner. Meanwhile I have three children sitting at the table doing homework and asking questions about spelling (NOT my forte) and algebra. I stopped and thought, "how in the hell did I do all this alone and work full-time?". Right now just being a mom is a full-time endeavor and Barry is a HUGE help, plus I have my nephew here to help as well. I miss work sometimes, but not being able to do it, I try to get it out of my mind. Although I did get to go help Barry at the store tonight which was nice.

Some days I just totally enjoy being a mother and being able to stay at home. With so much on my plate it gets rough at times. Especially with working with the Shriner's , the poly, pagan communities and such. Plus I am going to go back and work some more on my degree next term.

A this time at his date..

13 years ago right at this moment, My life changed.

Tantric yoga and BDSM.. (A little TMI)

Okay I feel really dense at this moment. Yoga and Tantra, yeah I've gotten that for a while, I practiced tantric yoga evryday for quite a while (which honestly I should do again). I had never thought of BDSM and Tanra. I mean Tantra yeah, of course it's magick, my energy levels have gotten insane compared to where they use to be. So I get it, you know.

Then I was cruising around looking at some tantric things and see info on Tantric BDSM. My first thought was "well yeah, that makes sense". My second thought was "Wow I could imagine..". I mean I have GOT to do this! Like tonight! And why in the hell haven't I done it yet?

Every sexual encounter for me has got to have some tanric experience in it, that's just the way I am. Of course if you look at it, sex is tantra (but tantra is NOT sex) Sex is another way to raise and manipulate energy. Not only that, but share and connect energies with others. Okay I could so totaly go of on a Philotic Strand theory tangent right now..

But I digress.

This is something that I need to experement with. Which makes me all giddy inside, when I find something that I haven't quite done yet *laughs*.

My appointment

So I went up to portland in what I like to call the "way too wee" hours of the morning. Most other people just call it rush hour. Saw the doctor after arriving 20 minutes late. Had a good talk with him about what was going on. Barry even *gasp* held his banter to a minimum.

The doctor did a few tests there in the office, one of which consisted of an info red device they use to look at the movement of your eyes in the dark. He showed what they looked like during the test to me on the monitor. Way cool. As I already know my right ear is screwed up. So, the doctor is scheduling a day for me at the Good Sam. hospital to have more testing done. Since I live an hour plus away, he scheduled them all on the same day. He did want me that I would get very ill, as they are trying to get the worse response during the testing. Sound like a blast. *sigh*. Oh well nothing to it, it's just one day.

When all the testing is said and done we will know a little more. He was quite vexed at the fact that I can't have an MRI. That being the first diagnostic (and best for that matter) to be used. Then when I explain the copious amounts of metal in my face and skull, he agreed maybe that wasn't the best thing. Although he did rag on me about being a hard patient. He was a pretty cool doc. I hope he stays that way. I am done with psycho moody doctors, it was refreshing seeing someone professional

Maid service?

My house looks like it needs a bulldozer, and not on the outside.
Seems everytime I turn around a new mess is to cleaned. I am not one of those 50's moms who spends the day cleaning and cooking, and well niether are my children. we always seem to have other things to do lately. I need a housekeeper, badly. I just feel like it's a waist of money when I have a 19yr old and three other kids in the house.

Barry got home tonight, spending most of my time with him so I will make this one short.

New earings

I finally went and bought my new earings today. They blend very well, I love them. They didn't have the ivory ones I wanted anymore, but these where much better anyway. They are made from wood. So I kept my glass ones to sleep and shower in.

Murphy rules of engagement...

I was thinking about our house rules of engagement for arguing and debate last night. (as we were having a debate and I was explaining the rules to another person). they have worked quite well in the last 7 years. So I have decided to write them down for the first time..

Phrases and words banned from arguments and debate..


1) "Never" (as in "you never...", etc. Absolutes are unfair and %99 of the time untrue)
2) "Always" (see above)
3) "Wrong" (as in "you're wrong")
4) "Right" (as in "I am right")
5) "Break up", "divorce," (as in "well I guess we might as well just give up/divorce/break up ect.)
6) "Can't" (i.e. "you can't" , " I can't" etc.)
7)"you Make me" (i.e. "you make me feel", "You make me do" {you are your own desicion factory)
8) "You are.." (i.e. "you are {insert negative conatation here})


I am sure there are more, but these are the big ones that come to mind..

Phrases and words encouraged...


1) "I feel that..." or "I don't feel that"
2) "I want"
3)"I see it as"
4) "I would like"
5) "I don't like"

Etc.

Autumn is here..

Well for today anyway.

The air has a slightly crisp sent, a small wet chill , and raindrops have been falling ever so gently all day long. I sat outside for a while today, warm coffee in hand, just enjoying the smells and sights of autumn aproaching. It is suppose to warm back up a little this weekend on saturday, but summer is just letting us know she was here and soon autumn will have taken over fully. This is my favorate season. I love the beauty Oregon gets this time of year. Nothing beats the smells of candles and wet leaves falling. Along with the wonderfull hues of green. orange, red, and yellow that are apparent everywhere. The feeling of snuggling in next to my loved ones and listening to soft jazz and drinking warm wines and coffees makes my heart smile with content.

Great video

the mokeys are taking over

Sociology

Or better titled

The lack of commiment to pursue the "working" knowlege of other cultures, people, customs, and morals.

I have been very frustrated with the many things I see on the net these days. Lots of discusions of politics as usual, along with the moral values of todays society. Think you're outside the box? When you hear the term "moral values" you cringe thinking of conservative anti-gay marraige pro-lifers in DC.? Then step back for a minute and get away form the details and look at the bigger picture, cause you're not even close.

There are quite a few interesting topics that are viewed very negatively that IMO are not being looked from all sides. To list a few.. Foriegn policy, group Marriage (esp. polygamy), Arragned marriage, Religious gender roles, etc.

I find too often that many people are quick to veiw many of these things as "oppresive", "offensive", "inaceptable". The funny thing ismost are the same people that are rallying to have better acceptance of their rather socialy unaccepted lifestyles. There are extreeme examples of all of these that can be taken from a major negative view. Believe it or not they are not norm. Plus I have not seen many people stop and really think about the culture and community that many are raised in and how ingrained these beliefs and socail practices are into their lives.

Example,
Polygamous wife is scorned for how oppresed she is and why she would choose her lifestyle. Well for one if religion is a factor, not only does she believe that her choice is right, but integral to her eternal life. Also from the non-religous polygamous sects, there is the ansestry and customs that are followed and many will continue to follow and carry on the tradition very happily. How does one poly triad MFF or quad MFFF differ to polygamy? Quess what it doesn't. It has just become a way of saying "Not FLDS or religious fanatic" but still married or "involved with" women. Think it is different if one or all of the women are Bi-sexual. I would ask you to study the history of the hebrews durring the exodus and beyond. Quess what they were bi and Moses was a polygamist (check leviticus {somewhere btwn chapters 18-22?). Also if you are non-judeo (or christain). Then lets look back to a few other cultures. Liek say the native americans, many of such tribes were polygamists AND they did not sleep around (openly with each other). Yet the man not only had to support the women and give them their own land, but could be dumped at the whim of said woman and his wifes as seen fit.

I will continue my other examples tomorrow (this will be a multiple part post). My main point here is that; honestly complaining and trying to fix things that aren't broken causes things to break worse. Cultures dont' willingly change habitsa that have been practiced for thousands of years over someone being offended. I don't expect everyone I meet to be bi-sexual, pagan, jewish, or poly. Nor do I expect evry culture to fit into my box of thinking (or everyone for that matter). Oppression is subjective, if you don't feel oppressed and feel you are living the life you desire feel free. Too many people trash things they just will not take the time and capacity to understand...
To be continued....

Rest is for the weary...

Aparently I am not quite weary enough.

I have a busy weekend going on and have tons to do today as well. Murph is working all kinds of messed up split shifts this week. I haven't been getting enough sleep mostly due to him working odd hours and the rapid change in the wheather. Last night I was freezing and didn't even think about an extra blanket on the bed till this morning. I think the time of year to take down my air conditioner is here.

Today is my nephew's 19th birthday. He is going up to my mom's house tonight to spend the night. I think they even mught take my kids so I can get some things done around the house.

Right now I am waiting for my eldest child to get ready for school. He has been ill the last few days, but is feeling better today now that he has slept in a little bit. So he gets to return soon.

Evilish fun with paint...

When I got done with this I thought "Wow, that loks like a flyer for some fetish party" that's either a good thing or a very bad one..lol

A little funny from one of my forums..

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

Damn morning people...

So I have been realy sick the last few days. Enough so to where I have been in a drug induceed sleep for a good amount of the time. Last night I tried to cut down on my medication a little bit and still assed out by 8:30am. Only now the medication isn't as strong I am wide awake this morning. I woke up at 6:00am and sent the kids off to school. So I decided to go ahead and go over and wake up Veronica as well so we can get an early start on all the stuff we have to do today. I don't understand what the apeal is to be awake at this hour. Nothing is going on and there is only so much news a person could watch. I guess that's why people jog in the mornings, it's just that boring.

DO you need something?...

Okay here's the game...

Go to google and search for your name and needs i.e. Alister needs
Then see what you some up with. Only use the parts such as "Alister needs a cat".
List the first ten.



So here goes mine...

1.shannon needs her mother
2.Shannon needs to learn how to soothe her moods with something other than food (ooo Harsh!)
3.Shannon Needs Motivation!
4.Shannon needs help Please Donate financial invest future children love cash charity humanity depression suicide give gives giving
5.Shannon needs information on responsible sexual behavior. ...
6.Shannon needs to be more professional
7.Shannon needs patient, loving parents who are familiar with the effects of neglect and abuse on children;
8.Shannon needs to answer these questions to the public's satisfaction
9.Shannon needs to figure out how to get back to Oklahoma without being killed
10.Shannon needs opportunities to play


One step further...

1.Shannon always looks good!
2.Shannon always remembers the words her father told her as a child
3. Shannon always knew it would come in handy
4.Shannon always plays the "hot naked girl"
5. Shannon always has a resolution or happy ending


Loves and friends...

1.Barry needs to sit down and take a breather
Barry always seems to capture subjects that are serious, but manages to put a funny twist on them.

2.Veronica needs to stop seeing her daughter as evidence that she was suckered
Veronica always felt like Duncan was the one she was supposed to end up with (ROTFL)

3.Kurtis needs to find that breakthrough first win
Kurtis is always abreast of the news

4.Andrew needs… …all the prayers he can get - if there is a god and he’s vindictive
Andrew always had the sense of humor no one else could understand.

5.Katie needs to realize what she has gotten herself into!
Katie always managed to play with the young ones

6.Justin needs a webmonkey
Justin always escaped to in order to get away from these shouting, confusing voices and search out the quiet inner

7.Hollie needs absolutely no work whatsoever
Hollie always cares

8.Christina Needs The Guidance
Christina always sets herself apart from her counterparts

9.Yoder needs to press charges and give these young adults community service for what they have done
Yoder always made himself available to me

10.Lilith Needs a Favor
Lilith always loves an adventure of working with a person with fresh ideas and open mind

Gotta Love Wikki!!

Polyamory

A lovebird

Polyamory is the love of tending and raising flocks of parrots as pets. Many polyamorists are therefore sea pirates.

As large flocks of birds are time-consuming to maintain, many (but not all) polyamorists live in ménages à trois or ménages à quatre so that the necessary tasks may be divided between the three or more people in the relationship.

Polyamorists are not adulterous as each of their partners is aware of all of these relationships. They are also not swingers, due to the primary emphasis on relationships instead of exclusively sexual or social activities.

In some cases, there are secondary relationships or long-distance relationships involved, although LDRs are more suited to those who tend carrier pigeons (instead of parrots) to deliver their love letters.

When not raising parrots, polyamorists often engage in SCA or Wiccan activity to pass the time - if, evidently, there's still time left after all the effort required both for parrot-tending and for endless discussions of "the relationship" and "mastering jealousy" which go with the ménage à trois relationship structure.

Oh yeah.. that's what I call day care...

I'm The Vampire That's Why..

Jury is still out on this new book. I wouldn't mind reading it, but I am not sure I want to spend the money on buying it. I have heard good and mediocre reviews. Why the hell am I so cheap with my books? Well when I have no money for my coffee and I look at the newest book I bought that I hated, it hurts. Curiosity may get me with this one. I was just thinking I need a light humorous read, and this may be just down my alley.

I'm The Vampire That's Why

*Giggles*

Free Myspace Pictures


Get A Cool New Layout

Safety from the midlife crisis and shelter from the mormons..

So my nephew moved in with us today. Wasn't a really big move. He just had some clothes and crap with him.

Out of respect for my life and my older sister not kicking my ass I will not elaborate at this time.

I got to se my dad this morning and introduce him to my girlfriend. All was very interesting. He deals with me well for being a conservative mormon. Planning on seeing him Saturday next week and taking the kids for a visit with my mom for a while.

My sister is gone at burning man for the week, she doesn't even know her son is here yet.

All I have to say is that you can tell eventhough he is 4 years older that him and my freinds daughter Anxiety deffinatly have the same birthday. That day comes with a quick wit and stinging toungue when backed into a corner.

Christina damaging my mind...

As she pipes up with..

"It's not incest if he's holding the camera."


Gawds!!

Looking foward to the weekend...

Ahh the weekend nears. Looking forward to it. Gonna see a few of my pals and hang out. Just chillin and relax time. Murph has the whole weekend off and I get to spend some good time with him. I am finaly getting over my cold and ready to be up and about again.

Thinking about taking the kids to the park and enjoying a day there. Also I have a sitter for Sunday so I will probably go up to Portland and have coffee with friends. No major schedule or anything. Just a nice weekend.

Kobolds Ate My Baby!!

http://www.koboldsatemybaby.com/

OK I was wandering through the dork tower site tonight, and hadn't really checked out the links to other site off of there. So I started to puruse. The first site was this game system. I really want to buy this one. What a major doss of silly laughter and sick humor to be had by all.

Of course, Geoffery has been very exited about this Aliens RPG for a few weeks now and really wanted to have me check it out. I am not the big Horror-fi fan he is. In a matter of fact I get really horrible nightmares from it all. I think he may have been dissapointed a little with my lack of response.

SO does this say something about my demenor and a little about his? He pulls out a Horror-fi, shoot-em-up, dark military RPG; and I pick out I psycho-cute Game about fuzzy creatures who raid towns and eat babies?

I think so...

maybe we have something with Murph's White Wolf game..lol. At least it's a good balance.

Something in the water??!!

So I have been having a strange last couple of weeks. Having a good weekend, Christina is over for the weekend.. YAY!! Roleplaying with Geoffery and his daughter and the "extended family" (Kurtis and Veronica). *double YAY!* But the last few weeks I have had random hot women in the portland area e-mail me and ask me out to dates and such. (Kurtis is totaly jealous... heehee hee.) And not just hot.. but seemingly sane and all. IT'S CRAZY!! Totaly not able or wanting to even think about going out or making time to with all of them. So I have been doing something for the first time in my life I have never even thought I would have to do before... Prioritize my time and stop and really evaluate to see if one or two would really be a "good Date" (not as in sex). Just really looking at my situation here. I currently have two people in my life, have a date with another friend and a tenative date with yet another. No-time, really for anything else. I am at a total loss. I just really have a full plate right now and so don't want to over flow it. I would love to have more friends,a nd honestly 90% of the time that's as far as it goes anyways with me (very paticular). And common, there's only so many sexual encounters before I start feeling like a major slutzoid (and trust me that's a VERY small number).

SO I am at an impass. I can just set up coffee times to chat with potentail new freinds and completely over do myself. Or prioritize, But honestly everyone that I have talked to seems so extreemly awesome. ... GRRRrrrr!!! So Blah!! I guess most people wouldn't complain too much if the roles were reversed.

105 facts

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RiNG?
yes

2. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
A few times

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Does dinner with a wonderfull woman count?

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Oh yeah

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
A while ago.

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Bills, gas, books, my kids

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Some quite tasty tamales

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes and hair, demenor

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
No I have many

10. WHERE DO YOU LiVE?
Oregon

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Dobson, in AZ

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
None at the moment

13. FAVORITE MALL/STORE:
Goodwill baby!

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
being a mother

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Pair? they come in pairs? Please sista, I have many from D20 to D4

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
No, too rude, not much fun anyway

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Gawds, I think it was a few years ago, a friends.

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
My mother

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND?:
about 1/2 an hour ago

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Taco Del Mar (not to be confused with Del Taco)

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD?
I will never hurt you

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
My house

24. CAN YOU COOK?
Well, thank you

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
Any I can get my grubby little hands on

26. BEST KISSER:
I plead the 5th

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
Don't remember, try not to keep track. It was a while ago though.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD:
WATERMELLON IS EVIL!!!

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My evil little thoughts and my adaptability

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My sensitivity

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?
48 hours straight at the ER in AZ. Man that was horrible.

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
DO I have to only pick one??

34. CAN YOU SING?
Quite well, and often

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
Violent Femmes

36. SKIPPED:
Skipping is good

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED?
Kama Sutra

38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
My brain

39. FAVORITE THEME PARK?:
Disneyland

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
desktop

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
frequently

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
Sleeping with clothes on? people actualy do that?

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
My Murphy butt, and anyone else I see fit.

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
Not for me, but for others maybe.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Oh gods I couldn't even count.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
What no pizza?

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
Like? Love, adore, worship, relish in, those are better to describe my relationship with the java gods.

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
I don't, breakfast food is evil incarnate.

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
Does astrology believe in me?

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
Kurtis

55. LAST DIALED CALL?
Kurtis

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST MISSED CALL YOU RECIVED?:
Some stupid talemarketer wanting to re-finance a house I don't even own.

58. NUMBER OF TIMES IN A DAY YOU EAT?
0-2

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
Spongebob square pants, and a black shirt.

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?
raspberry on whole wheat homade bread.

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
I can, although for the saftey of those around me it is not recomended.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
Like a dolphin, and so much better than Murph.

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
Death by Chocolate (mmm chocolatey goodness!!)

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
Depends does it lead to treasure?

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
I am getting bored with this quiz.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
Uhuh, and it was good.

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?:
Autumn

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
About 4 questions ago.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?:
Wake in the morning? Oh gods no.

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
Fireplaces and hot chocolate

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
The ONLY TIME!! 2004

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
Midnight

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERATTED?:
Pirates turn me on.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
Gaming, maybe dropping by an SCA event, torchering loved ones, the usual.

78. BIRTHDATE:
December, 19th, Day of the hellraisers.

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
Me, anyone else would just look silly in my skin.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Nope

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
I tend to from time to time.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
Difine miss. I could never get the aim down right to throw with my eyes open.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
that would mean I would have to make a choice of one place, I am not prepared to limit myself with one anything right now.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
If I was I would probably get arrested.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
A few.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
Boo boo kitty fuck

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
nope

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?:
Jaws 3-D

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A BOAT?:
yep sure have

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER:
3 of them

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
sure am

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
Yup

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
*laughs*

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Yeah

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
My new 8 gauge glass earings

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Talk to people on the net, maybe proposition my husband.

AHA!!! IT"S ALIVE!! (finaly)

So I figured out how my damned webcam works. Only thing is it became quite the ordeal setting it up to where it is usuable. The USB cable is so short I had to set the whole CPU up on a box just to get it to the top of my computer. So after a little computer circus manuvering, I finaly have it up and running!

Duhh du duhh du....

So in the mist of a boring Sunday afternoon, my daughter went to the river with some friends and their mom and the kids, Murph, my nephew, and I all sat down and watched the Jaws marathon on tv. About 30 minutes into it I had to stop and think.. i can't believe my parents actualy took me to the theatre to see theese movies as a small child. No wonder I hate being on the ocean! Funny movies now that they are so campy feeling, but when they came out they were pretty scary. My sons of course were totaly amused by them and I had a pre-pubesent testoterone fest on my hands. All in all it was fun hanging out with my boys and watching old scary movies. They even asked me about how it was to see them in the theatres as a kid. Pretty cool.

Also, my daughter made me a very nice card today, that said I was her life, soul, fun, light, best friend, and such and that she adimired me as a person. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. them she cleaned the kitchen whiched helped it grow. I sure hope she feels the same way in 4 years. I know I did about my mother. Hopefully she will skip the whole teenage angst even better than I did.

Interesting news... about time for a little step..

"Working without fanfare and very closely with members of Congress for more than three years, the Human Rights Campaign secured two important protections that assist gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans in the Pension Protection Act signed into law on Aug. 17, 2006. The act includes provisions allowing non-spouse beneficiaries to roll over retirement benefits, and adding non-spouse beneficiaries to the retirement plan hardship distribution rules. The two provisions extend important financial protections to same-sex couples and other Americans who name non-spouses as their retirement plan beneficiaries."

for the complete article go to this address..

http://hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Home&CONTENTID=33539&TEMPLATE=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm

For those of you out there that are not same sex couples, but are not Married this works as well. Actualy it applies to a large range of people.

Johari Window

Stolen from lilith..


http://kevan.org/johari?name=Darkwingedfae

tell me what you think I am

Some little funnies from a poly forum...

You might be Poly if...


~Your bed, linens and blankets have to be custom made because king sized is just too small.

~You’ve replied to more than one message with, Sister wife? Bite me.

~Three or more adults show up for your child’s parent/teacher night.

~ You get group reviews on your bedroom technique.

~When telling a friend you have been diagnosed with runners knee, she asks if it’s a result of all the running you do from monogamy.

~You get to know the woman who will be your best friend because you are sleeping with her husband.

~when you watch those movies with the "torn between two lovers" and say, "Oh, don't be dumb! For crying out loud have them both!!"

~You've run into your partner while distracted from looking at an attractive person only to discover that the collision happend because they were looking at the same one.

~You walk home with a big grin on your face and your partner asks, "Meet someone nice today"?

~the waitresses at the local Mexican food restaurant always asks "where the rest of you are".

~You bought your girlfriend a tee-shirt from the hustlter store that says, "I fucked your boyfriend" and the boyfriend in question is your SO's husband.

~Your boyfriend can't remember which redheaded girlfriend told him to take out the trash.

~When a co-worker asks you which one is your boyfriend while looking at a group photo on your desk, and you say "all of them."

~If you invite over a group of the people closest in your life, and it takes 30 minutes for everyone to decide which room to put their bags in.

~If you had to buy a second fridge to stock all the favorite beverages of everyone in your network.

~after going to a party at Smoocherie's house you join OK Cupid & find out almost your entire Top 10 was at the party.

~You might be poly if you are getting condoms for your partner to use with others. (fuuny thing, I just did this like two days ago).

~You introduce your significant others as 'my better third.'

~ You come out of the shower to find your husband having sex with his girlfriend and the first thing that crosses your mind is..."God he is good looking!"

~after the interruption passes and the husband and girlfriend find their groove again the wife comes in to give them a condom knowing they had just used the last one within reach.

~ you've had a sleepless night over a hot letter a potential new boyfriend sent you the night before in email... Upon hearing your confession the next morning, your current boyfriend, still half asleep, pats your hand and says, "That's okay, Babe. You'll sleep better once you've fucked him."

~You are uncle to 17 children and all of Them have diffrent parents.

~your closet contains at least 3 diffrent sizes and styles of clothing none of which actually belong to you.

~the song "My Girlfriends Girlfriend" By Type'O'Negative makes you think about last nights after dinner gymnastics.

~You have an argument about your bf's other girlfriend because she's just not "poly enough" and on the heels of that, show him the profile of a girl you think would be perfect for him, while giggling with his OTHER girlfriend on the phone

~You can handle arguing with one red-headed girlfriend, but when they both gang up on you, it's a lost cause

Other peoples idiot children...

Today after taking my shower I was catching the view outside my bathroom window. In the alley way behind my house there were 4 little girls (between the ages of what look like to be 8 and 11) all sharing a ciggarette. They were all dress in what Murph likes to call "prost-a-tot" clothing. Skimpy little skirts and shorts and half shirts. Sitting back there smoking and cursing their heads off. Not even using the right words to make any sense.

So I called Murph upstairs and and asked him if he wanted to see something funny. Told him to look through the window. Just then I yelled " Little Girl you best put that smoke down right now!" Much less to say the squealed quite loudly and ran like hell.

some oportunities are just too good to pass, no matter how dick they are.

On a different subject...

I just found out last night that the Crystal Ballroom at 10:00pm on mondays has free showings of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". they play what seems to be about 4 episodes back to back. I am so going to go. I think that will be a common thing for me when I move back to Portland. One of my weaknesses I guess. Also I have been really getting into the Hex series. Unfortunatly only about half of the DVD's my freind has will play for some reason. So I am getting ato see like only every two or three episodes. :( so sad. I am going to have to just order them I think.

New Piercings...

So I went to get my ears tattooed today..(Finaly) and was told piercings first then tattoos. So I went into my friend Jori's place and set out for my first session of piercing on my ears. She was so excited to see me, it made me feel wonderfull. It's always nice to know that people think about you when you're not around in a positive way. I hadn't seen her in a year and she was looking through my peircing portfolio today before I came in. (she has been piercing me for over 12 years now). She was very excited that I was getting my work all done over and even some new things.

So I got a GREAT pair of glass starters for my ears for free and went up to an 8 gauge in my first holes. Next I get my second done (next week or two). Then my belly redone. After that my nose or hood, (havn't decided which one first). My tattoos on my ears will probably happen around halloween after all ears piercings are all healed up.

She is SO great. I have never had any pain with her piercings (which is abnormal me being such a whimp about getting them done). That and like I said, I love how enthusiastic and excited she gets when we have a chance to sit and talk for a while.

It's not easy being evil...

Murph and I celebrated or daughter and younger sons birthdays this last week. WE had three different birthday parties and such. Sunday we were up at my mother's house having the last party. My sister Katie was there and beating up on my nephew with me. (he's 19 he can take it)Then, My sister turned on my husband...

This thing is she is the oldest sibing in our family so she isn't use to getting any retribution for her crimes against my parents other offsrping. Although Murph DID warn her that he was also the oldest in his family and he knows this game a little too well. So she starts punching him at that point in arm and such.

The funny part of it all is after he reminded her that he is in fact almost a foot and a half taller than her, and over twice her wieght; is when she didn't stop. Then he promptly picked her up in a firemans carry. So she decided to tickle him and get out of it. When he told her he wasn't ticklish her face showed how much trouble she knew she was in. That's when Murph Paddle her bottom with a flurry of spankings and set her down, He last comment to that was "Damn! You just let yourself get spank by a republican."

..too funny

22 relationship questions

Because "Merciful Release" Said so...

1) Single, Taken, or Crushin?
Taken, and kinda available, A little crushin' (you figure it out)

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Very Very happy in my relationship.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Not really

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Not very often, but yes.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
Loaded question, Cheating no.. never. There are certian relationships that cummunicate openly about other relationships i.e. Polyamory.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
Case by Case basis.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Sure have

8) Do you want children?
Not any more than I already have.

9) How many?
I have 3 and that is enough thank you.

10) Would you consider adoption?
I have, and hopefully my third will be fully adopted one day, I am glad to have him full-time.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
Tell me. I am pretty straight forward that way.

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Sometimes, yes I do.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
Only if your talking about fun games like jokingly teasing and such.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Not sure on that one, never happened to me.

15) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Wedding ones and such.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
If I like them why would I want to change them? If I don't like them Why would I want to take the time?

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an objectwere would it be?
Do I get multiple weddings to cover all of them? Besides does it really matter where one marries? I was under the impression you marry someone to commit your life to that person in many ways, not for the cool location.

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
A few.

19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
I think so? Does have mean a relationship or just satisfying curiosities?

20) Have you ever broken a heart?
Many

21) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
I don't see the need too. He loves me, I love him. Unless they were delibrately causing him harm, no I wouldn't.

22) What would you say about your last ex?
She's a little beyond the realm we call reality. No seriously.. cuckoo.

23) Have you ever dated more than one person at the same time?
Quite frequently, but they all are informed.

AFTER YOU'VE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, REPOST AS:24 relationship questions

Unwed couple sues over housing law...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060811/od_nm/life_marriage_dc_2

A Missouri couple who must get married, or move, in order to comply with a housing ordinance in Black Jack, Missouri, sued the town on Thursday, claiming rules prohibiting the unmarried couple and their children from living together are unconstitutional.

The petition, filed in the Circuit Court of St. Louis County, challenges a Black Jack city ordinance that prohibits more than three people from living together in the same house if they are unrelated by blood, marriage or adoption.

Plaintiffs Olivia Shelltrack and Fondray Loving and their children moved from Minnesota to Missouri earlier this year, buying a five-bedroom home in the tiny community outside St. Louis.

Shelltrack and Loving have lived together about 13 years and have two children together, along with a 15-year-old daughter of Shelltrack's from a previous relationship.

Black Jack, a town of about 7,000 that prides itself on a city Web site for its "character and stability," refused to grant the couple and their children an occupancy permit for their home because they do not meet the definition of "family" as set forth by the city, the complaint alleges.

The city has threatened to begin fining the couple as much as $500 a day, said Tony Rothert, legal director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Eastern Missouri, which is helping represent the family in the lawsuit.

The lawsuit names the city and several city officials, including city councilmen and the city housing director as defendants.

"The city of Black Jack's behavior is both pompous and unconstitutional," Brenda Jones, executive director of the ACLU of Eastern Missouri, said in a statement. "Black Jack's attempt to criminals people's choice to live together as a family has earned international ridicule for Missouri."

Black Jack city attorney Sheldon Stock said case law backed up the city's stance, which was based on preserving "neighborhood character."

"It all goes to the definition of family," Stock said. "These laws are all over the country. These laws are trying to preserve neighborhood character."

The lawsuit in Missouri comes after a North Carolina judge ruled last month that a 201-year-old law there barring unmarried couples from living together was unconstitutional.

Why oh why?

I am awake, totaly awake. Not really functioning,but non the less awake. I have had less than two hours of fucking sleep, and here I am. I have a totaly busy day today and tonight. I probably won't get to bed until way late again. then I have to get up first thing in the morning, and have an even busier day tomorrow. Right now I want to beat something; but if I had the chance I don't even think I would have the energy. I hate getting such little sleep. By this afternoon my head is gonna be trashed, I will be dizzy as all hell and it will stay that way till I get at least 8 hours of good sleep if not more.

Okay I am going to go bitch elsewhere.

Frustrations....

Last night I was getting ready to go out for a drive. Iwas talking on the computer and saying goodbyes and all that, and BAM my net crashes AGAIN!!! I am really getting sick of this. It happens about once a week, and at the totaly wrong times. Our relay is screwed. I know it's free and it's a great connection (when I am NOT getting booted), but damn can't they upgrade or something? Grrrr!!

Among other frustrations.

But some things are well. I have a busy week ahead of me and about 50% of it is fun stuff. So I can handle that. :)

Comfortable silences and wicked stares...

A look turns into a stare
a stare into moment
A Moment into a feeling
The iris pulsating a tribal rhythm
The rhythm promises of things to come
the silence encaptures the soul
the pupil swallows it in
Into indefinite depths of realities
of promised things to come
an exhilarating breeze across the skin
Caresses and entangles
to the point of a pleasurous outburst
the curve of the back waiting to arch
Desire reached so high it is uncontained
Yet the eyes won't release me
I dare not look away and give in
Too many stories and tales
Thoughts and emotions
Aeons of time become reality
rapture with pain and sweet hot nights
So many sensations
and yet not a word
drown in that gaze forever
but it is only a moment's time
anything to not look away
anything to stay in locked ecstasy
the ecstasy of a moment

Alrighty then...

Yesterday Barry and I went to the "Chance of Rain" cafe' for a poly group that meets there. It wasn't what I expected at all. The people were really nice and great conversationalists. there wasn't a whole buch of chatter abot how Polyamory syhould or should not be or even that much chatter about it really at all. Just people hanging out and having a good time drinking coffee. it is a realy nice group. I am deffinatly going to go next monday and check it out again. I had a good time.



Getting ready for the BIG birthday party for the kids this weekend. It should be fun. And it's out at the park so I dont' have to deal with dozens of children in my house. Wonderfull.

Getting ready for SCA still, sewing more garb and such. Hoping to have everything done by L&S, we'll see though, will be a miracle if I do get it all done.

A better day...

Saturday we had our friends over to roleplay for the weekend. I was so dizzy and my head was throbbing. Everytime I tried to stand up I would lose balance and even took a few falls. Durring that proccess I screwed up my knee. Although I wasn't dizzy at all yesterday, my knee was in ALOT of pain. So I am gonna wait for a day or two and if it is still messed up and hurting I will go have it checked out. Roleplaying was still fun.

This afternoon we are headed up to Portland. Going to coffee with a few people. Trying to get a hold of my brat nephew... YOU READ THIS YOU CAN CALL ME!!!
Anyways, hopefully it will be a good day to chill.

My code-fu is not strong...

So I decided to work on my 'MySpace' page a little. I have alot of friends on there, so I decided to get one. I loke my site alot better. half the HTML code I know doesn't even work on the site. and the other half looks all messed up. So I went through the MtSpace tutorial. Talk about confused. I went and did the stuff it said and my page ended up worse. So frustrated.

oh well, I am sure I will figure it out eventualy.

A little something I stole from my nephews blog....

Would you?...
(x = yes)

[_] go out with me?
[_] give me your number? (_ _ _) _ _ _- _ _ _ _ ( you don't have to actually put it)
[_] kiss me?
[_] let me kiss you?
[_] watch a movie with me?
[_] let me take you out to dinner?
[_] let me drive you somewhere
[_] be my bf/gf?
[_] have a fling with me?
[_] let me buy you a drink?
[_] take me home for the night?
[_] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[_] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere
[_] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
[_] lick my cheek?
[_] dance with me?
[_] let me make you breakfast?
[_] help me with homework?
[_] tickle me to death?
[_] let me tickle you?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] play strip poker with me?
[_] say yes if i asked you out?
[_] get wasted with me?
[_] instant message me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?

D0 Y0U...
[_] think im cute?
[_] think im hot?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle wit me?
[_] want to hook up with me?

ARE WE...
[_] aquintences?
[_] friends?
[_] in a relationship?
[_] gonna have kids?

AM i...
[_] smart?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] cool?
[_] loveable?
[_] adorable?
[_] compassionate?
[_] annoying?
[_] great to be with?
[_] attractive?
[_] mean?
[_] odd?

HAVE Y0U EVER...
[_] thought about me?
[_] thought there might be an "us"?
[_] thought about hookin up with me?
[_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] grabbed me?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] idolized me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?


ARE Y0U...
[_] done with this survey?
[_] happy you know me?
[_] mad at me?
[_] thinkin bout me?

Today is my daughter's 10th birthday. Oh gods, getting close to those teens years. We are just having a little sleepover for her tonight, and her big party is on Saturday.

Had a wonderfull game of White wolf last night. It started off slow, but was still a blast. So many puns were thrown out there it made my side hurt all evening from laughing. I love gaming day.

Just Sick....

Murph has shown me just what to do when you absolutely want to make sure your loved ones will not want to sleep near you at night. Eat a can of sardines right before bed.

YUCK!

and I have to say again

YUCK!!!!

Okay, I hate sardines. If you want to eat them that's fine. I can chose not to be around. But my gods, my wonderfull husband goes and eats them before bed? I am sure he is finding this funny. Although, he DID stay downstairs and eat them away from my presence. As well as warn me first. Of all of this nasty stinky canned fish snack he so craves, I did tell him my expectations. Brush teeth (very very well and long), Rinse with mouthwash (twice), Wash hands and face (no little soap and water either, scrub.... scrub.... scrub!).

LOL he does the cutest stuff sometimes... and now he is truley stinky.
I love that man, eventhough he eats sardines. (which BTW, is the first time in the 14 years I have known him, seen him actualy eat them).

A completely fucked morning......

At about 4:30am I was awaken by Murph who was having realy bad chest pain. So I listened to his heart, took his blood pressure and made the decision that indeed it was hospital time. We went in and they did a few tests some ex-rays. He is already on heart medicine for high blood pressure and ir-rythmia. Well thank goodness he was not having a heart attack, but he has developed a nasty heart murmur and needs to go in for more testing.

As we were leaving the hospital I bent down to get my purse and full force wacked my head on a counter above the chair I was sitting in. hard enough to draw blood and start a nasty little bruise. So on comes the migraine.

We get home and I finaly get enough Imatrex and motion sickness medicine in my body to fall of to sleep somewhat comfortably. Then Murph's mom calls. His step-mom was jogging this morning (a daily routine), and was hit by a car. They transfered her over to OHSU were she will at least be staying a night in the hospital. They don't know if anythihng is broken, but she is bleeding from multiple lacerations pretty well. She is going to have a full CAT scan in a while.

So I think I will just spoil Murph for the day (even though he is determind to work tonight anyways), and try to get a good day going afterall. Even with the lack of sleep and the headache from the cabinent O' pain.

Little Earthquakes.....

Although apropriate to use this song in reference to my friends feeling earthquakes this morning; it is not. Still kinda cool they did. Even better it was small and noone was injured.


Barry was getting ready to go to work today and starting playing "Little Earthquakes". Everytime I hear this song, something in my heart gets weak. Like a feeling of wieght on my chest. Memories tend to flood in at rapid paces, ones I love having their mortality cut short, me sitting at too many gravestones by myself, laying on the ground as if I could reach down and pull them back up to me. That somehow my heart is reaching them, in sufferance that my thoughts are not lost in the wind. Imagining my sister walking toward me with her long flowing golden hair and alabaster skin. My Best friend in her dark purple velvet dress and blackend hair floating around the graveyard laughing. Oh, and the so many more that have gone. My sister, my child, my friends, my confidants.

The memories of loves lost and friends outgrown. Intamacies, turned into trivial agressive remarks. How pain and anguish forms the barrier I fight to let down everyday with the ones I love. How the ones I love care enough to let me bring those down and know my most intamate feelings of sorrow are mine to own, how I need to keep them inside most of the time.

That my life is built on a solid foundation of emotion and suffering that brings me to true enjoyment of all around me. I do not chose to suffer, I chose to enjoy. Sufference is not sought, it happens to everyone. Enjoyment, loving and laughter are in my control. I savor every emotion for what it is. Every moment for it subtle expressions and undertones. Every intamacy for what it is. Not a complicated babbling of desire crossed with jealously and personal gain. Just an intamate contact, whether a look in the eyes, a touch to the fingertips, or a night long conversation with a good friend. These are the experiences that make me thrive.

Love the daddy...

Oh yeah I am spoiled, I think I am SO not most of the time; then my dad goes and does stuff like this. He bought me a new car. Not brand new mond you, but none the less new to me. He bought me a 93' Buick. I don't know what kind yet, or even what color. He is going to pick it up today. I do however have to pay him back. Starting with a $250 down mayment and $50 a month, but that's okay. Alot better than most payments. We realy needed a "not van" car. I know Buick's don't get great gas milage, but it will be better than what the van gets. This one has VERY VERY low miles on it. which is sweet. Supposedly it is in perfect condition. We will see about that. Either way I feel the need to do the spoiled princess thing right now and say; "My daddy loves me!".

My duaghter is turning 10 this weekend and my youngest son turns 8 next week. Damn they grow up fast. It's crazy. On the 12th we are having a birthday party in the park for them. I hope they enjoy it. Now are the years they will remember if mom bombs on their birthdays or not.

Rambling thoughts and and embroidery...

Did alot of embroidery tonight, didn't actualy realy get to much of the sewing part. Funy thing when I sit and start going away with emboidering, my thoughts just tend to ramble inside my head. The things I think of while sitting still realy let me know how active a mind I realy do have. I think if I had the energy I would be a hyper active person to go with my thought proccesses. Durring this time of mental idle chatter about current world events, kids growing up, my mother, how exactly I would lay out my castle, etc.. I thought, you know it's not just embroiery that my mind wanders. Even when I am seemingly quite contently and happily entertained I still come up with the most random shite in my brain. No wonder I seem so spacey. I tend to self entertian easily, especialy at the wrong moments. I wonder how this effects the people around me. My hands and body run on auto pilot and my mind severes for a few minutes and then returns. I think I will have to watch myself on this one, it could realy be taken the wrong way. That may be why I do things every once in a while that are quite out of the norm for me. Could it realy be that simple? Could it just be that my body needs a babysitter while my mind is on holiday? I doubt it realy is as simple as that, but it does pose a good question.

Well off to let my mind wander more.

In the works...

So so many things in the works. I am very happy today. I went to the hospital for some testing to se if I needed to ahve surgery and the wet reads were that all good and everything looked normal. *sigh of relief*. I have been battling this for years. it is nice I can see somewhat sunny skies for the moment.

Today Veronica and I are sewing getting ready for an event at the end of August. I can't wait to go. I haven't gone to an event since last summer.

A good weekend and a splitting migraine...

Had my friends down this weekend to roleplay WhiteWolf. We had a blast. The house was full, but not out of control. My migraine even kept at bay for most of the night. We all satyed up till after 6am this morning; even my friends daughter who had never stayed up all night before.

Drove everyone up this afternoon and returned them to thier homes. Of course about 20 minutes after we dropped everyone off I started to feel an aura of things to come. Voila, migraine time. Still have it, I even took a nap and my medicine. On the bright side, I am not too terribly dizzy at the moment.

I will type more tomorrow. Right now curling up in bed beside my love sounds like the best thing in the world.

Belle luna and Amore'........

*Chuckles*

Seems Barry ran into another jewish girl in the store the otyher day. The fact that we live in this town keeps popping up with jewish people is very strange, and somehow they all don't know about each other...lol. Anyway, I shouldn't say girl, his best estimate was 40 years old. He said she is very cute and they got along pretty well. so they have talked on the phone a few times and I told him ladt night just to get it over with and go on a date. Of course I would like to meet her first, but I am ok if not. She sounds cool and makes him smile, good enough for me. Anyway the cool thing about her is that she knows our relationship dynamic and when Barry was joking and flirting with her on the phone about going on a date she threatend that she just may want to take me out instead, and what if she liked me more?.. hehehe okay I love her already, he deserves to be jokingly shot down everyonce in a while. I am hoping to meet her soon. She sounds nice. There aren't many women out there that aren't going to go psycho crazy on a poly-married husband.

Maybe just maybe she'll be one of those exceptions to the rule.

Speaker for the dead...

What a great concept the speaker for the dead is.

Today my mother's mother died. Actualy she died less than an hour ago to be specific. The only thing is is that when most people lose a grandparent there is some loss
and at least thoughts of how good of the things they have done in their life. Well not the case this time. My mother and I are having a horrible time dealing with the memorial service arrangments. What do you say in ullagy about a person who absolutly contributed nothing to their childrens and grandchildrens lives?

You see, my grandmother became an alcoholic at age 14 (the same age as when she married). She had 9 children and 6 of them were not my granfathers, eventhough they were still wed. She had obvious numerous affairs and fought with him all the time. She would have a baby and then a week or so later go back to work leaving the other children to take care of it. My mother started running the house at age 4. At the tender young age most kinds are playing with blocks my mother was in charge of her two older brothers and an infant. By the age of 7 my mother was soley respnsible for the household chores, cooking, etc. My grandmother never let them play at friends houses and join school functions as kids. She would leave for work in the morning and head striaght towards the bar right afterwards, ahowing up at the house late at night and making my mother scrub floors or other duties that she didn't think had been done satisfactory. There were a few times were my greatgrandmother interviened and took the children out of the house and made a few of them live with her.

At the age of 16 my father's mother finaly got sick of my grandmothers abuse towards my mother and had her move in with her. (kicking my dad and his brother out of their room and made them stay in the bunkhouse on the farm).

As for my memories of my grandmother; She wasn't so nice to all of us as well. I would go and visit her when I was little, just to call my aunt in a few days to come and get me out of the house as quickly as possible. My grandmother started to give me alcohol at age 8 and tried to get me smoking by then as well. She would also lock me out of the house for the night and make me sleep on the porch if I didn't like what was for dinner or if I didn't know how to do a certain chore. I realy didn't care much for her as you can imagine.

So what do you say about a person like that? The only time she was nice was after she had drunk herself into dementia. She put my mother and her siblings and my grandfather though hell.

My mother has found one way, she is talking about her psot-mortal beliefs. I however am going to help out with the funeral arrangements, but will not be attending.

The cleaning fairy..

It seems the cleaning fairy has visited my house this morning! (that would be my daughter) I woke up and the house was clean. So I gave her a $5 bill for thanks. It is nice. Later today the boys are gonna do the rest of the dishes and stuff. I love my kids!

Barry is doing a managerial review tonight and may even get his own store to manage at work. Lots more money involved. It would be very nice.

Yummmmmy ice cream...

Still hot here today. Not as hot as it was yesterday. I just sent Barry to the store to get ice cream and cones for all of us here. Yummy! I don't eat ice cream that much, but right now sounds like the perfect time for it.

I finished reading a book I have long awaited for it arival. I was dissapointed in it, but was still entertained(if that makes any sense). Had a few conversations with Barry and Geoffery. They felt much the same. Although I think Geoffery was mroe dissapointed in it than me.

Veronica is here with the baby and cooling down while Kurtis gets their air conditioner hooked up. Tired as I am I get no nap realy till my house clears out. I hate being a lite sleeper, but that's the way it is. Oh well.

Kids are enjoying the sun and heat outside. yeah they're crazy lil' pumkins.

A little warm?

Today realy is alot cooler and less humid than the last few days. So why do I feel hotter? Especialy when I am sitting in an air conditioned house? I couldn't say, I just do. I even thought about picking up a new conditioner yesterday for the dowstairs, I did not; but boy did I think about strongly.

Barry has found a good movie he might go and audition for up in Portland on Wed. It sounds like a role right up his acting alley. I just hope he can get in without harming his schedule at work down here. Of course I am convinced if he just gets in the door for the audition he will get the part. That's the way he has always been. A great talent he has for entertaining on stage and in film.

I am thinking about taking the kids to the park today or something, but I am not sure the park is gonna be cool enough for us to all enjoy.

Oh well.