Although apropriate to use this song in reference to my friends feeling earthquakes this morning; it is not. Still kinda cool they did. Even better it was small and noone was injured.
Barry was getting ready to go to work today and starting playing "Little Earthquakes". Everytime I hear this song, something in my heart gets weak. Like a feeling of wieght on my chest. Memories tend to flood in at rapid paces, ones I love having their mortality cut short, me sitting at too many gravestones by myself, laying on the ground as if I could reach down and pull them back up to me. That somehow my heart is reaching them, in sufferance that my thoughts are not lost in the wind. Imagining my sister walking toward me with her long flowing golden hair and alabaster skin. My Best friend in her dark purple velvet dress and blackend hair floating around the graveyard laughing. Oh, and the so many more that have gone. My sister, my child, my friends, my confidants.
The memories of loves lost and friends outgrown. Intamacies, turned into trivial agressive remarks. How pain and anguish forms the barrier I fight to let down everyday with the ones I love. How the ones I love care enough to let me bring those down and know my most intamate feelings of sorrow are mine to own, how I need to keep them inside most of the time.
That my life is built on a solid foundation of emotion and suffering that brings me to true enjoyment of all around me. I do not chose to suffer, I chose to enjoy. Sufference is not sought, it happens to everyone. Enjoyment, loving and laughter are in my control. I savor every emotion for what it is. Every moment for it subtle expressions and undertones. Every intamacy for what it is. Not a complicated babbling of desire crossed with jealously and personal gain. Just an intamate contact, whether a look in the eyes, a touch to the fingertips, or a night long conversation with a good friend. These are the experiences that make me thrive.
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